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My Time in the Looney Bin

Palmetto Lowcountry or as I called it HELL

When I first arrived I really don’t remember much for the first one or two days but after that I started to realize that this place this crisis unit they called it was for Schizophrenic’s and not for a major depressed 23 year old male who was self medicating and didn’t research methamphetamine before staying up for days on it. But Que Sera, Sera. After that I started to attend groups take my meds I was I was supposed to which was about the only positive thing that came of going there was to have a schedule. The groups were very dull, the key staff members did not seem to know what they were doing or how to even hold a group, my therapist sorry I mean my social worker saw me one time and when I called her after leaving Palmetto and going to Saint Francis Hospital for a small bowel obstruction she didn’t even remember my face so the people there are very corrupt and the doctor I told the first day I could not take antipsychotics and she prescribed me an anti-psychotic the day before I went to the hospital so I learned a lot about myself I had a lot of time to think but I didn’t have the support I needed to be able to recover from my mental illness which I do have thank God and in the town I’m in. It seems to me my return has inspired not just me but others in my life to seek the path to sobriety and too a happier existence.

Today

Life is but a putrefaction of masses; longing to a ceaseless end that will never come to you or myself.

Today Michael came back it’s like a rollercoaster ride here and I have been hurt so can’t check my subconscious behavior as one of my caliber should.

Poems © 2018

Poems of Wisdom and Woe

By Andrew M Brucker

Corruption in America

Oh industry

In this century

Failing at liberty

Better stop capitalism or you’ll give

America a full-blown aneurism

All for communism fuck this socialism

Oh pollution

Where will we find absolution?

What is the solution?

Carbon footprints as big as monuments

Where is our conscience?

Monsanto super crops created in GMO growth tents

Cows, chickens, pigs, MEAT!

Feeding them all Steroids

Slaughter, sell, buy, EAT!

All this becomes nulled void

Don’t ingest or you’ll become the governments’ human test

Fluorides in you, don’t become a thinking pest

Oh cruelty

Look at humanity

Living in Captivity

This is insanity, America’s profanity

So much for democracy

FEMA camps everywhere

Don’t fight, don’t even dare

Corruption in every seat

Lets stir-up some political heat

Take some action, lets accomplish the greatest feat

Hold protests and demonstrations on every street

Seek the truth jump on your feet

The founding fathers see us now

In their graves turning over and imploring us how?

Fuck this status quo come on brothers and sisters take to the vow

Come join the revolution, let’s take it back to the Constitution

Stop the government from taking our ammunition

Where’s our privacy

Abolish this Tyranny

Imprison the bureaucracy

Fuck, controlled media

Censored government propaganda

Don’t believe this manmade hysteria

But if your smart though please have a healthy dose or paranoia

Believing were the best

But America’s government is really just a belligerent greedy pest

We think we’re big and bad but all we do to the world is molest

America’s synonym should be BULLY

We’re great at interrogation, just look at sensory deprivation

We call it the Patriot Act, and that it’s guarantied protection

When really it’s just unjust incarceration

When someone insults are might

We don’t commit an assassination just a good ol’ neutralization

We torture and kill our fellow man

How does this consist of a noninvasive defensive security plan?

We preach nuclear, biological, chemical disarmament

While we stock up our own compartment

We manipulate the UN to sanction countries

We steal, bully, and cheat behind so-called treaties

There’s some know as travesties

But falsely named amnesties

We’ve become our worst enemy

Our so-called allies are really just frenemies

Our foreign policy

Oh, what a horrific tradegy

We call education, learning

When all they teach is obeying

The economy isn’t there

We lost our bet, it vanished into thin air

We call this the best country on earth

When equality really hasn’t seen its birth

Nobodies truly equal here at least not at the hearth

We found an all-natural miracle drug

But when we try to legalize it, corruption and greed prevent the Nug

Could’ve had peace, health and all

But the senate stops the ball

Stand up for your rights,

Don’t give up the fight

Abolish this government to set things right

This is my argument, so goodnight

Hopefully, when I wake-up one day

These sick, corrupt criminals will pay

I hope and dream for a while

All this is kept in a monumental file

Don’t believe the lies and end-up at the bottom of the pile

Oh, America

Awaken to the call for an answer!

Revolution is needed to stop this cancer

This disease is going for the kill

Stand up!

Don’t let them get the thrill!

1

A midsummers night left all nature in delight

The plants grew like loves’ lost tune, in the stark white light of the beautiful maidens brilliant moonlight; so bright

2

Grass grows, rivers flow, as my auric energy goes.

Season change, my spirits less pained,

And eclipses of our love are finally tamed,

From the shadows of my soul.

3

Blue skies, like women’s’ cries,

Light up this dreary earth.

Life’s torturing torturer, the hand of love touched my heart tonight.

It ended in no delight.

And with this pained embarrassment, I smothered

My inner light.

Cleverly, with his mocking mockery cupid made an ass of me

4

Shadows, hues of greys and block

Shadows, living behind my back

Shadows, voices in the dark

Shadows, burned like Joan of Arc

Shadows, turned to dust

Shadows, I cannot trust

5

The slowly setting sunset soothes my soul;

Just like the slowly rising sunrise wakes my mind.

The moving soaring clouds fill my mind,

Leaving no thought at all behind.

The blues of the sky changing hues;

I can take the cue. As the brightness of the day turns to night

The frightfulness of my life takes flight

6

Oh life; no life, but days of endless pain

Oh eyes; no eyes, but sunshine turned to rain

Oh heart; no heart, but fountains filled with tears

Oh love; no love, my lovers made their leers

Oh peace; no peace, but nightmarish ghouls brought to life

Oh death; no death but endless torture and strife

7

Love is like a dove which longs to be flying,

Love is an infinite enigma with no solutions for trying

Love is here and now, for all but one,

And the one left is most diffidently crying.

8

Scales balanced evenly, justice upholded honestly

Faith in sophistry not, only in philosophies lot

Life theme is love and Justice its plot

Honor your intuition well; make sure sin isn’t a place you dwell

If you don’t you shall surely fall and Justice will not be sustained for all

Learn not to act wickedly, let virtue guide you certainly, faith in love, and justice in faith,

Let us find that happier place

9

Selfishness, only me and nothing more

Selfishness, what a bore

Being selfish is a gift

Let us now mend this rift

Help us see another’s face

When you act with only grace

You’ll be surprised what’s in store;

This is not a fictional lore

Learn not to walk on sharp edged shells

Being selfless will ring angelic bells and you won’t end up living in hell

10

Bullying still irks me still

Even though they’ve had they’re fill

Seeing someone bullied so

Makes my adrenaline flow

Fists fly, bullies cry, I fight for thee

I’d die for thee

If you cannot defend yourself

I’ll cram your bullies into a shelf

Don’t be scared I’m here for you

Don’t be scared they’ll get their due

That’s what I promise you!

11

Waking up with coffee and cigarettes,

Can’t seem to get any rest,

I drink too much it seems every night,

I just can’t seem to win this fight,

Feeling abandoned almost every day,

Can’t seem to keep my hard-earned pay,

To many drugs used to kill the pain,

Letting tears flow like clouds of endless rain

Oh god, when will you let me die?

I can’t keep living this infernal lie

A hopeless romantic I’ll always be

But never will my heart be free

I’m just a wandering wonderer

I’m just a philosophical ponderer

When I go to sleep and start to dream

Hoping to awaken to fresh coffee and cream

But at least I’ll know how I died

And all solutions failed and tried

12

Imagination, no limit for creation

If you’ve got it join the celebration

Let your self learn of fascination

Create a new world without hesitation

Vivid colors everywhere, celestial characters neither here nor there

Fantastical contemplations fill your day as gruesome monsters your heroes stay

If you have it as you grow, make sure you keep it and it will show

Your dreams and hopes it will sow

Accomplishments, you will reap,

Make sure you use it as you sleep, but also during every waking moments peak,

Let that pure imagination grow

Make sure its energy level never gets low

Write, paint, draw, act, and just let the inspirations flow

13

Fire, water, earth, and air

Spirit is just flowing everywhere

Meditations to fill your mind

Your hearts pleasure you will find

Connect yourself to the divine

Let yourself cross the line

And into another state you’ll align

Chanting out a joyful tune, feeling blessed real soon

Gazing at the eternally gorgeous moon

And be very pleased with your boon

14

Homeward bound, I would like to be

Wishing well, please grant to me,

A train, bus, or car

I don’t have to go very far

By the moon, sun, and stars

Let me see the white sand bars

Oh my home by the sea

Homeward bound, I will be

15

Two choices, two to choose

Can’t seem to pick which to use

One will prosper, the other lose

Which way to turn

Two roads divided, indecisions burn

Two choices, two to choose

Hopefully, my choice doesn’t lose

By choosing this choice to use

16

I’m independent, some might even say hell-bent

I do what I want to my hearts content

I don’t stick to any status quo,

If I could grow hair I’d have a fucking Afro,

I’m unique so don’t critique

The way I look, act, or think

My views are eclectic; my dressing is a bit eccentric

And everything I say might be, even considered magnetic

You might hate me, I don’t care

You might even stare

I’m loyal to the ones I love if I was a bird I’d be a dove

I might be a know-it-all,

I sure know I’m not that tall,

Open-mindedness is a blessing and a curse,

I definitely don’t have the biggest money purse,

But I have my independence,

So I don’t care about any sixpence.

17

Dreaming dreams filled with excitement

Why does this bring such delightment?

Dreams filled with signs deciphering these thoughts fill my mind

Of endless dreams of every kind

Some solutions I hope to find unconscious thoughts brought to life To solve these you will need a mind as keen as a divers knife

18

Breathings hard, hearts out of chest

Feeling this unwanted stress

Shaking hands, sweaty palms

Speeding thoughts, anxiety’s songs

Sing to me in an anxious tone

Wishing it’d all go away real soon

19

I’m just an old-wise angel whose residence is earth,

I’ve always been this way ever since birth,

I’m here to help whomever I may,

I found my wings just the other day.

My wings are glistening feathers of silver and gold,

But the heavens have foretold

That my task is to protect and guide,

Earth is only the planet, on which I abide,

I am a true friend of the human race,

I’m twenty-one years old with a cherub’s face,

I’ll fly through the heavens and space,

When my time come’s to leave this place

20

Come revolutionaries where ever you are,

Become a patriot and you’ll definitely go far,

If only we riot and protest with might,

They cannot hope to win this fight,

So poets, artists, and youths through the land,

Come gather around, come join in are band,

Just know are will to win will never be bound,

And know in your soul that your purpose is found.

21

Soldiers marching in armored lines,

Stalking through the wind-swept pines,

Searching for the enemy, silently, carefully

All of that great army passed me by,

As me and my family waved “hi”,

We didn’t know that they would die,

At the merciless hands of a battle cry.

One soldier touched my young heart,

Which seemed to strike me as a dart,

He was my age, young and free

Standing as rigid as a tree

He waved back smiling silently, he took my heart immortally

He died, next week,

From a ball of death that took his head,

A shot of devilish hot lead,

And took my young knight.

War is cruel to nations true,

But not as vicious to those whom the soldier knew,

Enemy shots wiped out those brave soldiers memories,

Memories to few.

When it came time for me to fight, for all that I knew was right;

I thought of that face of soldier strong,

And I knew that, that this fight was wrong,

That this enemy which I slayed, that his family dearly paid;

After the battle died, I

I myself cried.

Longest hours of misery couldn’t kill these many a memory.

So after fighting battles to many to tell,

I took my brief life, I journeyed to hell.

22

As my heart searched for what was true,

My love and faith grew in you.

As my mind craved to learn,

My soul in you began to burn,

My life seems to find its place,

In all you’re sweet smelling lovers’ grace;

My heart immortal, Genius is my mind,

But, only when my soul mate did I find.

You who knew me so well, you who lead me from hell,

I love you to deeply to tell.

Thank you for ending my sad strife;

O, oh my lover of life.

23

Twenty-one years on this earth,

Which seems to me like a great girth,

My adolescence left me today,

My adulthood’s foundations I lay,

Finding myself is all-important;

Thinking patterns becoming less bent,

Hopefully life’s love runs true,

And my problems may they be few;

When I turn thirty-two, hopefully I’ll be as happy as you;

When I’m sixty-nine, I’ll have turned out just fine,

When they’ve laid me to eternal sleep,

Hopefully my memory humanity keeps.

24

Drifting clouds of love fill the air,

Hope seems to arise everywhere;

Soaring cirrus and stratus clouds fill the sky,

They know no hate, and they wonder why,

White puffs of smoke destroy the atmosphere,

Natures been voicing her fear,

With earthquakes, snow storms, tornadoes, and floods

Why are we poisoning the innocent earth’s blood?

She still believes in our race so far,

She pleads with us not to use gas in cars;

Our planets green and our atmosphere blue,

Come on humans please get the clue.

Live by the three R’s that’s what you’ll have to do,

And nothing but laziness seems to stop you;

Preserve our little green and blue planet,

If you disagree just can it.

25

The days of heartache and struggle

Free

Eased

Relieved

These all come from an awakening

A birth

Beginning

Yearning

When the world seemed to end and then began again

Filled

Yielded

Released

All through the High shall you find

Find the Power that frees the blind

26

Poems © 2018

Poems of Wisdom and Woe

By Andrew M Brucker

Corruption in America

Oh industry

In this century

Failing at liberty

Better stop capitalism or you’ll give

America a full-blown aneurism

All for communism fuck this socialism

Oh pollution

Where will we find absolution?

What is the solution?

Carbon footprints as big as monuments

Where is our conscience?

Monsanto super crops created in GMO growth tents

Cows, chickens, pigs, MEAT!

Feeding them all Steroids

Slaughter, sell, buy, EAT!

All this becomes nulled void

Don’t ingest or you’ll become the governments’ human test

Fluorides in you, don’t become a thinking pest

Oh cruelty

Look at humanity

Living in Captivity

This is insanity, America’s profanity

So much for democracy

FEMA camps everywhere

Don’t fight, don’t even dare

Corruption in every seat

Lets stir-up some political heat

Take some action, lets accomplish the greatest feat

Hold protests and demonstrations on every street

Seek the truth jump on your feet

The founding fathers see us now

In their graves turning over and imploring us how?

Fuck this status quo come on brothers and sisters take to the vow

Come join the revolution, let’s take it back to the Constitution

Stop the government from taking our ammunition

Where’s our privacy

Abolish this Tyranny

Imprison the bureaucracy

Fuck, controlled media

Censored government propaganda

Don’t believe this manmade hysteria

But if your smart though please have a healthy dose or paranoia

Believing were the best

But America’s government is really just a belligerent greedy pest

We think we’re big and bad but all we do to the world is molest

America’s synonym should be BULLY

We’re great at interrogation, just look at sensory deprivation

We call it the Patriot Act, and that it’s guarantied protection

When really it’s just unjust incarceration

When someone insults are might

We don’t commit an assassination just a good ol’ neutralization

We torture and kill our fellow man

How does this consist of a noninvasive defensive security plan?

We preach nuclear, biological, chemical disarmament

While we stock up our own compartment

We manipulate the UN to sanction countries

We steal, bully, and cheat behind so-called treaties

There’s some know as travesties

But falsely named amnesties

We’ve become our worst enemy

Our so-called allies are really just frenemies

Our foreign policy

Oh, what a horrific tradegy

We call education, learning

When all they teach is obeying

The economy isn’t there

We lost our bet, it vanished into thin air

We call this the best country on earth

When equality really hasn’t seen its birth

Nobodies truly equal here at least not at the hearth

We found an all-natural miracle drug

But when we try to legalize it, corruption and greed prevent the Nug

Could’ve had peace, health and all

But the senate stops the ball

Stand up for your rights,

Don’t give up the fight

Abolish this government to set things right

This is my argument, so goodnight

Hopefully, when I wake-up one day

These sick, corrupt criminals will pay

I hope and dream for a while

All this is kept in a monumental file

Don’t believe the lies and end-up at the bottom of the pile

Oh, America

Awaken to the call for an answer!

Revolution is needed to stop this cancer

This disease is going for the kill

Stand up!

Don’t let them get the thrill!

1

A midsummers night left all nature in delight

The plants grew like loves’ lost tune, in the stark white light of the beautiful maidens brilliant moonlight; so bright

2

Grass grows, rivers flow, as my auric energy goes.

Season change, my spirits less pained,

And eclipses of our love are finally tamed,

From the shadows of my soul.

3

Blue skies, like women’s’ cries,

Light up this dreary earth.

Life’s torturing torturer, the hand of love touched my heart tonight.

It ended in no delight.

And with this pained embarrassment, I smothered

My inner light.

Cleverly, with his mocking mockery cupid made an ass of me

4

Shadows, hues of greys and block

Shadows, living behind my back

Shadows, voices in the dark

Shadows, burned like Joan of Arc

Shadows, turned to dust

Shadows, I cannot trust

5

The slowly setting sunset soothes my soul;

Just like the slowly rising sunrise wakes my mind.

The moving soaring clouds fill my mind,

Leaving no thought at all behind.

The blues of the sky changing hues;

I can take the cue. As the brightness of the day turns to night

The frightfulness of my life takes flight

6

Oh life; no life, but days of endless pain

Oh eyes; no eyes, but sunshine turned to rain

Oh heart; no heart, but fountains filled with tears

Oh love; no love, my lovers made their leers

Oh peace; no peace, but nightmarish ghouls brought to life

Oh death; no death but endless torture and strife

7

Love is like a dove which longs to be flying,

Love is an infinite enigma with no solutions for trying

Love is here and now, for all but one,

And the one left is most diffidently crying.

8

Scales balanced evenly, justice upholded honestly

Faith in sophistry not, only in philosophies lot

Life theme is love and Justice its plot

Honor your intuition well; make sure sin isn’t a place you dwell

If you don’t you shall surely fall and Justice will not be sustained for all

Learn not to act wickedly, let virtue guide you certainly, faith in love, and justice in faith,

Let us find that happier place

9

Selfishness, only me and nothing more

Selfishness, what a bore

Being selfish is a gift

Let us now mend this rift

Help us see another’s face

When you act with only grace

You’ll be surprised what’s in store;

This is not a fictional lore

Learn not to walk on sharp edged shells

Being selfless will ring angelic bells and you won’t end up living in hell

10

Bullying still irks me still

Even though they’ve had they’re fill

Seeing someone bullied so

Makes my adrenaline flow

Fists fly, bullies cry, I fight for thee

I’d die for thee

If you cannot defend yourself

I’ll cram your bullies into a shelf

Don’t be scared I’m here for you

Don’t be scared they’ll get their due

That’s what I promise you!

11

Waking up with coffee and cigarettes,

Can’t seem to get any rest,

I drink too much it seems every night,

I just can’t seem to win this fight,

Feeling abandoned almost every day,

Can’t seem to keep my hard-earned pay,

To many drugs used to kill the pain,

Letting tears flow like clouds of endless rain

Oh god, when will you let me die?

I can’t keep living this infernal lie

A hopeless romantic I’ll always be

But never will my heart be free

I’m just a wandering wonderer

I’m just a philosophical ponderer

When I go to sleep and start to dream

Hoping to awaken to fresh coffee and cream

But at least I’ll know how I died

And all solutions failed and tried

12

Imagination, no limit for creation

If you’ve got it join the celebration

Let your self learn of fascination

Create a new world without hesitation

Vivid colors everywhere, celestial characters neither here nor there

Fantastical contemplations fill your day as gruesome monsters your heroes stay

If you have it as you grow, make sure you keep it and it will show

Your dreams and hopes it will sow

Accomplishments, you will reap,

Make sure you use it as you sleep, but also during every waking moments peak,

Let that pure imagination grow

Make sure its energy level never gets low

Write, paint, draw, act, and just let the inspirations flow

13

Fire, water, earth, and air

Spirit is just flowing everywhere

Meditations to fill your mind

Your hearts pleasure you will find

Connect yourself to the divine

Let yourself cross the line

And into another state you’ll align

Chanting out a joyful tune, feeling blessed real soon

Gazing at the eternally gorgeous moon

And be very pleased with your boon

14

Homeward bound, I would like to be

Wishing well, please grant to me,

A train, bus, or car

I don’t have to go very far

By the moon, sun, and stars

Let me see the white sand bars

Oh my home by the sea

Homeward bound, I will be

15

Two choices, two to choose

Can’t seem to pick which to use

One will prosper, the other lose

Which way to turn

Two roads divided, indecisions burn

Two choices, two to choose

Hopefully, my choice doesn’t lose

By choosing this choice to use

16

I’m independent, some might even say hell-bent

I do what I want to my hearts content

I don’t stick to any status quo,

If I could grow hair I’d have a fucking Afro,

I’m unique so don’t critique

The way I look, act, or think

My views are eclectic; my dressing is a bit eccentric

And everything I say might be, even considered magnetic

You might hate me, I don’t care

You might even stare

I’m loyal to the ones I love if I was a bird I’d be a dove

I might be a know-it-all,

I sure know I’m not that tall,

Open-mindedness is a blessing and a curse,

I definitely don’t have the biggest money purse,

But I have my independence,

So I don’t care about any sixpence.

17

Dreaming dreams filled with excitement

Why does this bring such delightment?

Dreams filled with signs deciphering these thoughts fill my mind

Of endless dreams of every kind

Some solutions I hope to find unconscious thoughts brought to life To solve these you will need a mind as keen as a divers knife

18

Breathings hard, hearts out of chest

Feeling this unwanted stress

Shaking hands, sweaty palms

Speeding thoughts, anxiety’s songs

Sing to me in an anxious tone

Wishing it’d all go away real soon

19

I’m just an old-wise angel whose residence is earth,

I’ve always been this way ever since birth,

I’m here to help whomever I may,

I found my wings just the other day.

My wings are glistening feathers of silver and gold,

But the heavens have foretold

That my task is to protect and guide,

Earth is only the planet, on which I abide,

I am a true friend of the human race,

I’m twenty-one years old with a cherub’s face,

I’ll fly through the heavens and space,

When my time come’s to leave this place

20

Come revolutionaries where ever you are,

Become a patriot and you’ll definitely go far,

If only we riot and protest with might,

They cannot hope to win this fight,

So poets, artists, and youths through the land,

Come gather around, come join in are band,

Just know are will to win will never be bound,

And know in your soul that your purpose is found.

21

Soldiers marching in armored lines,

Stalking through the wind-swept pines,

Searching for the enemy, silently, carefully

All of that great army passed me by,

As me and my family waved “hi”,

We didn’t know that they would die,

At the merciless hands of a battle cry.

One soldier touched my young heart,

Which seemed to strike me as a dart,

He was my age, young and free

Standing as rigid as a tree

He waved back smiling silently, he took my heart immortally

He died, next week,

From a ball of death that took his head,

A shot of devilish hot lead,

And took my young knight.

War is cruel to nations true,

But not as vicious to those whom the soldier knew,

Enemy shots wiped out those brave soldiers memories,

Memories to few.

When it came time for me to fight, for all that I knew was right;

I thought of that face of soldier strong,

And I knew that, that this fight was wrong,

That this enemy which I slayed, that his family dearly paid;

After the battle died, I

I myself cried.

Longest hours of misery couldn’t kill these many a memory.

So after fighting battles to many to tell,

I took my brief life, I journeyed to hell.

22

As my heart searched for what was true,

My love and faith grew in you.

As my mind craved to learn,

My soul in you began to burn,

My life seems to find its place,

In all you’re sweet smelling lovers’ grace;

My heart immortal, Genius is my mind,

But, only when my soul mate did I find.

You who knew me so well, you who lead me from hell,

I love you to deeply to tell.

Thank you for ending my sad strife;

O, oh my lover of life.

23

Twenty-one years on this earth,

Which seems to me like a great girth,

My adolescence left me today,

My adulthood’s foundations I lay,

Finding myself is all-important;

Thinking patterns becoming less bent,

Hopefully life’s love runs true,

And my problems may they be few;

When I turn thirty-two, hopefully I’ll be as happy as you;

When I’m sixty-nine, I’ll have turned out just fine,

When they’ve laid me to eternal sleep,

Hopefully my memory humanity keeps.

24

Drifting clouds of love fill the air,

Hope seems to arise everywhere;

Soaring cirrus and stratus clouds fill the sky,

They know no hate, and they wonder why,

White puffs of smoke destroy the atmosphere,

Natures been voicing her fear,

With earthquakes, snow storms, tornadoes, and floods

Why are we poisoning the innocent earth’s blood?

She still believes in our race so far,

She pleads with us not to use gas in cars;

Our planets green and our atmosphere blue,

Come on humans please get the clue.

Live by the three R’s that’s what you’ll have to do,

And nothing but laziness seems to stop you;

Preserve our little green and blue planet,

If you disagree just can it.

25

The days of heartache and struggle

Free

Eased

Relieved

These all come from an awakening

A birth

Beginning

Yearning

When the world seemed to end and then began again

Filled

Yielded

Released

All through the High shall you find

Find the Power that frees the blind

26